Chapter 4
The damages of masturbation: All the
sequels that masturbation left on me
Although it is true that the physical and
mental problems that I am going to detail are not entirely due to masturbation,
I have no doubt that the vice worsens the conditions of the individual in many
aspects and that it is the main cause of some clear examples.
Physical Problems
1: The health of my member
My member has started to suffer damage due
to excessive masturbation. By spending hours and hours pulling it, squeezing
it, rubbing it, my poor organ has had to endure pain, irritation and discomfort
of all kinds. To begin with, a strange stain appeared years ago in the middle
of the trunk, it is like a reddish welt, with a rough texture that contrasts a
lot with the softness that surrounds it. the doctors who saw it said that it
was similar to vitiligo, that appears due to stress, but what kind of vitiligo
does it peel?
This strange blemish or wound could perhaps
heal if I would just stop touching me, but it always turns red when I touch
myself. I've never thought of it as a "Curse Mark" to this day, but maybe
that's it, maybe it's what keeps me from giving up masturbation... just maybe.
Luckily none of my partners have found it uncomfortable or disgusting so it
hasn't been a big complex for me.
I think the size was also affected,
especially its thickness. Before I had a much thicker penis, the thickness of
the trunk was greater than that of the head, it was really something to be
proud of. Today, despite the fact that it continues to maintain an acceptable
size and shape, I think it is thinner due to squeezing it, the trunk is a
little smaller than the head. Although it could also be that it increased in
length, but I doubt it. I'll probably get back to my original size once I stop
touching me.
Obviously today I have a much harder time
getting strong erections, I am completely dependent on porn and masturbation to
access my full potential. Only rarely do I achieve that quality just by rubbing
against my partner in a specific way, but, in any case, it is very difficult to
maintain it because with masturbation I have constant new stimuli during the
arousal process on the way to the top, I am talking about a new stimulus every
few seconds if I'm using Instagram. My patience and my performance are
drastically affected by this type of masturbation that I have established as
one of my main providers of fleeting pleasure.
This has affected me a lot, it has
generated great pressure, the phallocentric idea that I should have a big and
hard penis caused me to often give in to porn or drugs in order to reach a
level of excitement in which I felt comfortable. when in reality my body was
tired and I refused to accept that physical and mental exhaustion. With my
partners, having to masturbate to get my erection back is also a very normal
thing, which usually ends up bringing me to an orgasm, sad and nervous, with
very little pleasure. Only one of the girls I was with, the first one, has been
specific about the difference in pleasure she felt when it was very hard and
when the erection was at medium strength. Perhaps that also put a lot of
pressure on me and caused me not to feel powerful unless I maintained an iron
erection throughout the act.
Never in my life have I had a spontaneous
erection of great hardness, only once, I remember that it stopped me to look at
a classmate, to see her legs under her skirt, I was very impressed by the fact
that I could reach that level of arousal without touching me, but I'm talking
about something that happened early in my puberty.
I have never had morning erections either,
I have had wet dreams, very few. It is curious how in my wet dreams I never get
to have a fully erect penis, this is something that I would have liked to treat
in therapy... even in my dreams I suffer from nerves when facing the opposite
sex.
My testicles have also suffered severe pain
due to edging retention, that is, touching myself without finishing. I usually
masturbate for hours so that the only reward is a pain in the balls that makes
it difficult for me to walk normally. I have subjected them to very intense
torture for nothing. Their size was probably affected as well.
2: Hair loss and health:
Masturbation has worsened my hair loss and
has harmed the health of my hair. I am sure that the main cause of my hair loss
is due to my lack of iron due to being anemic and hardly eating meat, that is
why it is also weak. But masturbation is also very harmful to the hair for the
simple fact that it generates great stress and that, in addition, to generate
semen, the body uses a lot of resources that, if they are scarce in the body due
to poor nutrition ( which is my case) the wise machinery must extract them from
other less important aspects, of course, you are not going to compare the
importance of giving life with having hair... if the poor body knew what it is
actually using that energy for, constantly wearing itself out for nothing, how
sad.
NoFap, the anger and sadness of relapsing
and that strange obsession that I got for saving my hairs that fell out has
left me with two big receding hairlines and a lot of hair missing in between, I
must admit that it is one of my main aesthetic concerns, although it is nothing
to write home about, it is noticeable when my hair is wet or when my hair is
growing.
I walk down the street looking at old men
with incipient alopecia, men who refuse to accept their baldness, with big
potholes on their heads, and I think to myself “God, please don't let me end up
like this”. It makes me sad and anxious, and also makes me wonder if these men
are still masturbating at their age, which is very likely.
3: The
health of my kidneys
My kidneys have suffered pain from
masturbation, quite severe, to the point of taking me to the hospital.
Usually, after masturbating, it's quite
normal to get stitches in one or both kidneys, it doesn't matter if I don't
finish. According to my studies in traditional Chinese medicine, the health of
the kidneys is of vital importance for the physical integrity of the
individual, especially in the sexual sphere. The kidneys, from an energetic and
emotional point of view, are in charge of controlling fear, so it is normal for
a person with kidney problems to be quite fearful. Perhaps, all those conflicts
that I had in high school, in which I felt submissive, would have had a
different result if I had not masturbated so much.
But going back to the physical aspect of
the matter, it would not be crazy to say that masturbation, added to other
emotional problems, took me straight to the hospital for acute kidney pain.
Supposedly that pain was caused by a stone that obstructed the urinary tract,
but it was the masturbation that ended up causing the outcome that left me in a
hospital bed for a week.
4: The health of my face.
My face looks less attractive after long
sessions of porn and masturbation. My dark circles are more marked, my eyes
seem sunken and dull, my eyelids droop, cheeks and jowls appear despite being
thin and I tend to see more asymmetry between the left and right sides, as
if suffering from a gaunt face, the dysplasia* will be more marked. All of
these effects do not stem from masturbation itself, but stem from the bad habit
of falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning, or directly spending entire
nights watching porn and masturbating.
*My maxillary dysplasia is a congenital
disease that arose when I was eight years old and has severely deformed my
face. I have been operated on but the damage to my face has already become
irreversible.
5: The health of my body in general
I think it is not an exaggeration to say
that my whole body was affected, I am too skinny, I suffer from digestion
problems, I have posture problems, I suffer from withdrawal leg cramps, there
is a marked asymmetry between the right and left sides of my body, well, many
other problems that are related to my excessive masturbation.
It doesn't seem too hasty to me to say that the physical part is the easiest to solve, but to achieve it you must first go through a series of habits that help rebuild the spirit and the mind, the body will change from the efforts made to achieve a better life.
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